Monday, August 21, 2017

Answers...

Sometimes we want answers for questions we should never ask. In our own heart and soul we know the truth of it all. We try rationalize a persons behavior as to give our own mind a state of peace. The truth is we see signs,cues, red flags if you will, that hold a certain honesty. So we can either take those as self evidence or ask the question which we may really not want know the answer to.
I'd rather ask and be certain than to assume and live in ambiguity... Hurt me with the truth and never comfort with a lie ...jmg 🖤

Monday, July 3, 2017

Different...

It's amazing how different I am.
There are patterns and behaviors that are I n such contrast to what I used to be. I love who I am,the relationship I'm in,the way I feel about myself and others. There is a calm and peace in me that hadn't existed in a very long time. They say be the energy you want to receive. Well if that's an indicator of who I'm with , then I guess I have done better then I could have ever imagined. I literally dreamt of the life I'm living. For years living in a hell I always knew I'd find a partner who I could share paradise with.I'm blessed to be in a safe place, no fear ,no hatred,no deprivation.
I am Happy with who I'm allowed to be... I'm in the Nowness of it all...JMG🖤

Wednesday, May 3, 2017

Certain truths

There were certain truths.... the fact I have loved the wrong person at the right time ,the right person at the wrong time. And now the person I had always knew was "out there" just waiting in time.All of these people have taught me what I need to know about love and things I wish I never knew. The reality now is to be present, not bring past pain into my here & now. It's to live for today and be hopeful for tomorrow. The other truth is I never thought l would get out alive. I had always envisioned my better life. I don't look for pity I just tell my story as it was and as it is. Love is Beautiful when it is given & received , this is a dream long over due...🌼JMG🌼

Tuesday, April 25, 2017

The constant...

There was something sadly secure in the constant of the pain .
It really was all she knew , she could depend on it. And for her any kind emotion was better than none at all. The pain ended up being her friend. It allowed her to write countless hours. Her muse, it was so natural, the normalcy of comforted her.sad truth I know . She now struggles as the pain that was a daily expectation is gone ,now if she can see the Beauty she has instead of all 
She endured. Pain can be used as tool to build up oneself or used as weapon to self harm...jmg🖤

Overthinking...

I have this bad habit of overthinking. I break my own heart continuesly. Feeling unable to be Enough for anyone. I fight thoughts that serve no purpose,I know it's lies that this little voice whispers I turn it off mostly but when it returns it's full out scream. "Just another name in a book of lies.You'll never be wanted the way you want to be." I feel so temporary,just a thing passing time. Temperance ...no one , no thing. Shut it off , shut it up , stop the words that I hear, that break me the words that tear me apart. It used to be someone else's voice but now The irony is it's my own voice. Baby girl Please stop abusing that which is Beautiful and worthy of self love...jmg

Wednesday, April 12, 2017

Hi Dad...

Hi Dad,
   This is your littlest girl Jennie. I want you to know how Happy I am in my new life. You never knew the hell I was living but you always said I just want you to be Happy Mija. Thank you for always making me feel loved and safe. The job You & Mom did was  phenomenal in making me a Bold,Caring & Worthy human being. I lost track of myself for a while , living under the thumb of a tyrant.
But now I found Myself again and am Blessed by someone very much like you. I miss you but I find you in the Kindest of ways. I am Loved I wanted to let you know your little girl is Happy - Remember 11 💙🌻💙...JMG

Thursday, April 6, 2017

Broken pieces...

She took her broken pieces and made a beautiful mosaic out them.
Most people don't have the vision to see beauty in the destroyed. Yet she configured the picture in her mind and made art from the mess. She could find a positive in all the negative. Now she just needs to have enough confidence to see the Beauty in herself...🌻JMG🌻

Rescuing...

She remembers the time when her life was so miserable all she wanted was someone to rescue her.
And then. It came to her , nobody was going to rescue her. It wa her job to be the one to save herself. "Go where you're celebrated not tolerated " I was always told that I was lucky that someone tolerated me ...  It took a series of events and painful truths told to me by friends to finally make me move my feet. I had to decide that I was worthy of a good life. I deserve good things, I owe myself the hope of a happy future. I will continue to convince myself and to be my very best to live it every single day...JMG
.🌼🖤🌼

Thursday, March 2, 2017

A time in our life...

There comes a time in our life when we want to grow old with someone.
Today I had to hold back the tears as I drove to work . There was an old couple crossing the street while holding hands it was sweet ,loving  and so very intimate. It literally pained my heart, because I thought what if I never have that ? That "aged" love that I love you til death do we part. Then I realized I need to be grateful for what I have in the moment. Don't worry about the future for its not promised to anyone. As I took a deep breath and composed my self I was able to smile with joy in my heart for all that is..🌼JMG🌼

Wednesday, March 1, 2017

What she wants

She wants with everything  she has ,is to give her love 100% and accept it from another.  She who claims never to be afraid of anything - fears love. She so wishes she can cut through all of the scar tissue that surrounds her heart. There is such a soft side to her that less than a handful of people have seen. She wants to be that trusting little girl before the  trust was broken , she wants to look into the eyes of a man and realize that there is nothing to fear from him ,  he's not there to hurt her or abuse her but find he's there to protect and love her unconditionally. Innocence is one thing once it is lost it can never be found again. Just because she has fight in  her doesn't mean she wants to fight all the time.
. She longs to be soft maybe sometime soon she'll find her soft side again...jmg🗡🛡

Saturday, February 25, 2017

Haunted ...

I'm haunted by the things you think I don't see. I know I feel I see
I will never be desperate again holding onto to something that will cut me as it's pulled away from. I let go willingly I will not ask you stay I will never beg for love . If your memories and trinkets of the past can't  be put aside than I will leave you to keep them but you can't have them and me.
I'm nobody's second choice I'm me not in competition with anyone or anything else.i don't keep anything from the past because it's long gone and if it was meant to be it would be my present as well as future . So if your past is more important than your right now. I could never be the one for you...jmg

Tuesday, February 21, 2017

Consumed...

I did the best I could with what I had. Burdens I had to bear were heavy so heavy that they consumed me for a portion of my life and in the process of being consumed others suffered. I am unable to change what was. I am able to change what Is. I understand your anger , your sadness , the fact I left you feeling abandoned ...never for one second would consciencly choose to hurt you in such a way.
I couldn't look at myself in the mirror, hated the sound of my name and would be angry I woke up in morning. I was in a bad state of mind. I'm in a different place/state
I love you with all I am. I'm sorry if I made you feel lost. I need you to know I won't accept being treated for less than my worth I am Worthy of love too...hardest lesson of my life to learn ...I won't ever let grief consume who I am again. Neither should you🌻🖤Jmg🖤🌻

Wednesday, February 8, 2017

Destruction...

What we love destroys us, rips us to pieces, leaves us vulnerable. Beautiful and tragic all in one sentence .  Looking into your eyes has to be done in small increments. As it opens me up raw to all of my feelings. What Frightens me the most is the future I see, because I promised myself that I would have no expectation. And honestly I get lost in your eyes. I picture the color of your eyes and I'm moved to tears. Deep as the Ocean, Bright as the Sun , as soothing as Warm Breeze... I get lost in my own destruction...JMG🌊☀️🌾🔮

Thursday, February 2, 2017

Seek & Find

Sometimes we have to be careful what we seek because we might find things we really don't want to know. When things of the past find us we can longer be blissfully unaware , we have the choice to let those things shape our opinion of the situation or let them remain in the past. I try to eliminate all things of the past as not to cloud my future . I won't hold onto  Momentos from past lovers because I don't need to recall my time with them if I wanted to keep them valid and current I would still be with them. I don't need to be haunted by things that hold no value. It's been said I'm not sentimental yes I suppose that is very true. But I'd rather cherish what & who I have in front of me than to recall who has left my life for a reason ...👤Jmg

Wednesday, February 1, 2017

Letting...

Sometimes letting myself be "helped" is the most difficult thing I can allow. I have defined myself as self sufficient , independent ,and tough. Really I am in need of help that I refuse to seek most times. showing weakness has always been the hardest part of myself to reveal. Battered & bruised I would get up and say is that all you got? I'm tougher than that... and stand up to fight some more.
I now know I don't need to fight the things of my past. As they are long gone. My reality has changed.
I am in a different place, a different time and different state of mind. Almost reverting to a childlike trust that was broken eons ago. I can put my trust in the hands of "trustable" people. So many have betrayed me under the guise of love. It was never love but deceit .Not everyone that claims they love you has your best interest in mind, they will say things to deceive you for their benefit. I can allow myself to be loved this is something new. Not just giving but receiving...I am open to love I will love and be loved ...JMG

Wednesday, January 25, 2017

Words...



I save words.
I gaurd them ,I cherish them
I keep them, I give them
I feel them....
They build me up, they tear me down
They're my Septor & Crown
They're my shackles and chains....

Friday, January 13, 2017

They danced ...

There is something sweetly beautiful about watching your parents dance to 1940's era music in the kitchen when you're a child. It is almost a fairytale kind of moment, like watching them dance on their wedding night. As if nobody existed but them in that moment. Beautifully Nostalgic and moderately  tragic as I feel I might never have that. The simple truth is I'd be okay to never have that as I was blessed to witness my parents endearing dances . We may not always get what want but eventually we will get what we need...I still believe in Love like that - ❤JMG❤

Saturday, January 7, 2017

Feed or Starve...

Nothing can survive without being fed. What do we feed ? Are we feeding our fears ,our insecurities, our hopes,our dreams? What we give our attention to will be the main focus of our life.
I want to change what I focus on. Positive thoughts generate positive action. Let us starve the negative things that bring us no value by rehashing them. We can learn from failure,pain,rejection and
become better in spite of them. Take from it what you need. We will learn to appreciate every opportunity to learn when we know how to look at everything as something to grow from...
 🌳JMG🌳

Answers...

Sometimes we want answers for questions we should never ask. In our own heart and soul we know the truth of it all. We try rationalize a per...