Wednesday, May 3, 2017

Certain truths

There were certain truths.... the fact I have loved the wrong person at the right time ,the right person at the wrong time. And now the person I had always knew was "out there" just waiting in time.All of these people have taught me what I need to know about love and things I wish I never knew. The reality now is to be present, not bring past pain into my here & now. It's to live for today and be hopeful for tomorrow. The other truth is I never thought l would get out alive. I had always envisioned my better life. I don't look for pity I just tell my story as it was and as it is. Love is Beautiful when it is given & received , this is a dream long over due...🌼JMG🌼

Tuesday, April 25, 2017

The constant...

There was something sadly secure in the constant of the pain .
It really was all she knew , she could depend on it. And for her any kind emotion was better than none at all. The pain ended up being her friend. It allowed her to write countless hours. Her muse, it was so natural, the normalcy of comforted her.sad truth I know . She now struggles as the pain that was a daily expectation is gone ,now if she can see the Beauty she has instead of all 
She endured. Pain can be used as tool to build up oneself or used as weapon to self harm...jmg🖤

Overthinking...

I have this bad habit of overthinking. I break my own heart continuesly. Feeling unable to be Enough for anyone. I fight thoughts that serve no purpose,I know it's lies that this little voice whispers I turn it off mostly but when it returns it's full out scream. "Just another name in a book of lies.You'll never be wanted the way you want to be." I feel so temporary,just a thing passing time. Temperance ...no one , no thing. Shut it off , shut it up , stop the words that I hear, that break me the words that tear me apart. It used to be someone else's voice but now The irony is it's my own voice. Baby girl Please stop abusing that which is Beautiful and worthy of self love...jmg

Wednesday, April 12, 2017

Hi Dad...

Hi Dad,
   This is your littlest girl Jennie. I want you to know how Happy I am in my new life. You never knew the hell I was living but you always said I just want you to be Happy Mija. Thank you for always making me feel loved and safe. The job You & Mom did was  phenomenal in making me a Bold,Caring & Worthy human being. I lost track of myself for a while , living under the thumb of a tyrant.
But now I found Myself again and am Blessed by someone very much like you. I miss you but I find you in the Kindest of ways. I am Loved I wanted to let you know your little girl is Happy - Remember 11 💙🌻💙...JMG

Thursday, April 6, 2017

Broken pieces...

She took her broken pieces and made a beautiful mosaic out them.
Most people don't have the vision to see beauty in the destroyed. Yet she configured the picture in her mind and made art from the mess. She could find a positive in all the negative. Now she just needs to have enough confidence to see the Beauty in herself...🌻JMG🌻

Rescuing...

She remembers the time when her life was so miserable all she wanted was someone to rescue her.
And then. It came to her , nobody was going to rescue her. It wa her job to be the one to save herself. "Go where you're celebrated not tolerated " I was always told that I was lucky that someone tolerated me ...  It took a series of events and painful truths told to me by friends to finally make me move my feet. I had to decide that I was worthy of a good life. I deserve good things, I owe myself the hope of a happy future. I will continue to convince myself and to be my very best to live it every single day...JMG
.🌼🖤🌼

Thursday, March 2, 2017

A time in our life...

There comes a time in our life when we want to grow old with someone.
Today I had to hold back the tears as I drove to work . There was an old couple crossing the street while holding hands it was sweet ,loving  and so very intimate. It literally pained my heart, because I thought what if I never have that ? That "aged" love that I love you til death do we part. Then I realized I need to be grateful for what I have in the moment. Don't worry about the future for its not promised to anyone. As I took a deep breath and composed my self I was able to smile with joy in my heart for all that is..🌼JMG🌼

Wednesday, March 1, 2017

What she wants

She wants with everything  she has ,is to give her love 100% and accept it from another.  She who claims never to be afraid of anything - fears love. She so wishes she can cut through all of the scar tissue that surrounds her heart. There is such a soft side to her that less than a handful of people have seen. She wants to be that trusting little girl before the  trust was broken , she wants to look into the eyes of a man and realize that there is nothing to fear from him ,  he's not there to hurt her or abuse her but find he's there to protect and love her unconditionally. Innocence is one thing once it is lost it can never be found again. Just because she has fight in  her doesn't mean she wants to fight all the time.
. She longs to be soft maybe sometime soon she'll find her soft side again...jmg🗡🛡

Saturday, February 25, 2017

Haunted ...

I'm haunted by the things you think I don't see. I know I feel I see
I will never be desperate again holding onto to something that will cut me as it's pulled away from. I let go willingly I will not ask you stay I will never beg for love . If your memories and trinkets of the past can't  be put aside than I will leave you to keep them but you can't have them and me.
I'm nobody's second choice I'm me not in competition with anyone or anything else.i don't keep anything from the past because it's long gone and if it was meant to be it would be my present as well as future . So if your past is more important than your right now. I could never be the one for you...jmg

Tuesday, February 21, 2017

Consumed...

I did the best I could with what I had. Burdens I had to bear were heavy so heavy that they consumed me for a portion of my life and in the process of being consumed others suffered. I am unable to change what was. I am able to change what Is. I understand your anger , your sadness , the fact I left you feeling abandoned ...never for one second would consciencly choose to hurt you in such a way.
I couldn't look at myself in the mirror, hated the sound of my name and would be angry I woke up in morning. I was in a bad state of mind. I'm in a different place/state
I love you with all I am. I'm sorry if I made you feel lost. I need you to know I won't accept being treated for less than my worth I am Worthy of love too...hardest lesson of my life to learn ...I won't ever let grief consume who I am again. Neither should you🌻🖤Jmg🖤🌻

Wednesday, February 8, 2017

Destruction...

What we love destroys us, rips us to pieces, leaves us vulnerable. Beautiful and tragic all in one sentence .  Looking into your eyes has to be done in small increments. As it opens me up raw to all of my feelings. What Frightens me the most is the future I see, because I promised myself that I would have no expectation. And honestly I get lost in your eyes. I picture the color of your eyes and I'm moved to tears. Deep as the Ocean, Bright as the Sun , as soothing as Warm Breeze... I get lost in my own destruction...JMG🌊☀️🌾🔮

Certain truths

There were certain truths.... the fact I have loved the wrong person at the right time ,the right person at the wrong time. And now the pers...