Rescuing...

She remembers the time when her life was so miserable all she wanted was someone to rescue her.
And then. It came to her , nobody was going to rescue her. It wa her job to be the one to save herself. "Go where you're celebrated not tolerated " I was always told that I was lucky that someone tolerated me ...  It took a series of events and painful truths told to me by friends to finally make me move my feet. I had to decide that I was worthy of a good life. I deserve good things, I owe myself the hope of a happy future. I will continue to convince myself and to be my very best to live it every single day...JMG
.🌼🖤🌼

A time in our life...

There comes a time in our life when we want to grow old with someone.
Today I had to hold back the tears as I drove to work . There was an old couple crossing the street while holding hands it was sweet ,loving  and so very intimate. It literally pained my heart, because I thought what if I never have that ? That "aged" love that I love you til death do we part. Then I realized I need to be grateful for what I have in the moment. Don't worry about the future for its not promised to anyone. As I took a deep breath and composed my self I was able to smile with joy in my heart for all that is..🌼JMG🌼

What she wants

She wants with everything  she has ,is to give her love 100% and accept it from another.  She who claims never to be afraid of anything - fears love. She so wishes she can cut through all of the scar tissue that surrounds her heart. There is such a soft side to her that less than a handful of people have seen. She wants to be that trusting little girl before the  trust was broken , she wants to look into the eyes of a man and realize that there is nothing to fear from him ,  he's not there to hurt her or abuse her but find he's there to protect and love her unconditionally. Innocence is one thing once it is lost it can never be found again. Just because she has fight in  her doesn't mean she wants to fight all the time.
. She longs to be soft maybe sometime soon she'll find her soft side again...jmg🗡🛡

Haunted ...

I'm haunted by the things you think I don't see. I know I feel I see
I will never be desperate again holding onto to something that will cut me as it's pulled away from. I let go willingly I will not ask you stay I will never beg for love . If your memories and trinkets of the past can't  be put aside than I will leave you to keep them but you can't have them and me.
I'm nobody's second choice I'm me not in competition with anyone or anything else.i don't keep anything from the past because it's long gone and if it was meant to be it would be my present as well as future . So if your past is more important than your right now. I could never be the one for you...jmg

Consumed...

I did the best I could with what I had. Burdens I had to bear were heavy so heavy that they consumed me for a portion of my life and in the process of being consumed others suffered. I am unable to change what was. I am able to change what Is. I understand your anger , your sadness , the fact I left you feeling abandoned ...never for one second would consciencly choose to hurt you in such a way.
I couldn't look at myself in the mirror, hated the sound of my name and would be angry I woke up in morning. I was in a bad state of mind. I'm in a different place/state
I love you with all I am. I'm sorry if I made you feel lost. I need you to know I won't accept being treated for less than my worth I am Worthy of love too...hardest lesson of my life to learn ...I won't ever let grief consume who I am again. Neither should you🌻🖤Jmg🖤🌻

Destruction...

What we love destroys us, rips us to pieces, leaves us vulnerable. Beautiful and tragic all in one sentence .  Looking into your eyes has to be done in small increments. As it opens me up raw to all of my feelings. What Frightens me the most is the future I see, because I promised myself that I would have no expectation. And honestly I get lost in your eyes. I picture the color of your eyes and I'm moved to tears. Deep as the Ocean, Bright as the Sun , as soothing as Warm Breeze... I get lost in my own destruction...JMG🌊☀️🌾🔮

Seek & Find

Sometimes we have to be careful what we seek because we might find things we really don't want to know. When things of the past find us we can longer be blissfully unaware , we have the choice to let those things shape our opinion of the situation or let them remain in the past. I try to eliminate all things of the past as not to cloud my future . I won't hold onto  Momentos from past lovers because I don't need to recall my time with them if I wanted to keep them valid and current I would still be with them. I don't need to be haunted by things that hold no value. It's been said I'm not sentimental yes I suppose that is very true. But I'd rather cherish what & who I have in front of me than to recall who has left my life for a reason ...👤Jmg

Letting...

Sometimes letting myself be "helped" is the most difficult thing I can allow. I have defined myself as self sufficient , independent ,and tough. Really I am in need of help that I refuse to seek most times. showing weakness has always been the hardest part of myself to reveal. Battered & bruised I would get up and say is that all you got? I'm tougher than that... and stand up to fight some more.
I now know I don't need to fight the things of my past. As they are long gone. My reality has changed.
I am in a different place, a different time and different state of mind. Almost reverting to a childlike trust that was broken eons ago. I can put my trust in the hands of "trustable" people. So many have betrayed me under the guise of love. It was never love but deceit .Not everyone that claims they love you has your best interest in mind, they will say things to deceive you for their benefit. I can allow myself to be loved this is something new. Not just giving but receiving...I am open to love I will love and be loved ...JMG

Words...

I save words.
I gaurd them ,I cherish them
I keep them, I give them
I feel them....
They build me up, they tear me down
They're my Septor & Crown
They're my shackles and chains....

They danced ...

There is something sweetly beautiful about watching your parents dance to 1940's era music in the kitchen when you're a child. It is almost a fairytale kind of moment, like watching them dance on their wedding night. As if nobody existed but them in that moment. Beautifully Nostalgic and moderately  tragic as I feel I might never have that. The simple truth is I'd be okay to never have that as I was blessed to witness my parents endearing dances . We may not always get what want but eventually we will get what we need...I still believe in Love like that - ❤JMG❤

Feed or Starve...

Nothing can survive without being fed. What do we feed ? Are we feeding our fears ,our insecurities, our hopes,our dreams? What we give our attention to will be the main focus of our life.
I want to change what I focus on. Positive thoughts generate positive action. Let us starve the negative things that bring us no value by rehashing them. We can learn from failure,pain,rejection and
become better in spite of them. Take from it what you need. We will learn to appreciate every opportunity to learn when we know how to look at everything as something to grow from...
 🌳JMG🌳